Two years ago today, I started writing this blog. For today’s post, I thought it would be fitting to reflect on the past two years. For those of you who have been with my from the beginning (or just had the chance to read the historical posts), you can likely see how my life has changed tremendously in the past two years. Sometimes, when I think back on who I was two years ago, it shocks me at how much I have learned and grown as a result of some pretty crazy life experiences. Here are some of the things I have learned over the past two years that I think are worth sharing on this special day:
Don’t Let Chaos Steal Your Identity: A few short weeks before I created Cappuccino Queen, I was talking to an old friend about how traumatizing my life situation had become. I explained to him that I had learned that my ex was a suspected serial killer only two weeks after my son was born, and that now I was fighting to make sure this maniac didm’t harm my son. While I was describing the likely unbelievable chain of events, my friend stopped me and said, “Hera…what happened to Cappuccino Queen?”
To give you brief background, while I was studying in college I had a screen name/email by the title of Cappuccino Queen. It was a fun play on my cappuccino colored skin, and my name (“queen” of the Gods in greek mythology). This screen name represented my fun and playful side.
It was clear as my friend asked this question that he wasn’t just talking about my screen name. He wanted to know where that fun loving, playful version of Hera had gone. He had noticed that I was losing myself in all this extreme life drama. Immediately, I nearly had a panic attack when I thought about how my son didn’t know the good version of myself – that version was being smothered by the psychopathic terrorist who was draining the life out of me (aka the man I call “Lucifer”).
From this phone conversation, I realized that I needed to take back my identity. I needed to remind myself not to let the chaos consume my life. There are many things that I regret about my 15 months with Prince. There are many things I wish I had the chance to do over. What I do not regret, however, is making the conscious decision to show my son the happier version of myself that I thought I had lost. He knew his Mama, despite the nearly constant chaos we lived in.
Lifetime Movies Are Real: Five years ago, before I met the devil incarnate, I used to think that Lifetime movies were all about the drama and that stuff didn’t really happen that often. That believe system changed when my life turned into the sort of terrible situation that I had only seen on Lifetime. Occasionally on a bored Saturday afternoon, I didn’t mind watching Lifetime. It was like watching a train wreck that you couldn’t look away from. Now, I can no longer bring myself to watch these stories because they are just too close to reality.
Improved Psychopath Radar: If there is any silver lining to being entrapped by a psychopath, its that it teaches you to spot one from miles away. That man at work who constantly talks about killing his wife? Stay away from him. The guy who throws computers a fit of rage? Yep, he is not someone you want to invite to your family BBQ either.
People Show Themselves In Tragedy And In Good Times: In the past two years, I have experienced the worst tragedy (losing my son), and the greatest joy (having my daughter and rebuilding my life). In both the good times and the bad, you find out who your friends are. Some people, only like to hang around you when your life is going to shit. The moment you start to rebuild, they disappear. There are also those people who only want to be around during the good times, but disappear during the times when you need them. I have learned to hang on tight to those people who can weather the storm, and celebrate your happiness as well.
Ignore Haters/Victim Blamers: After my son died, and my story showed up in the media, you wouldn’t believe how many people came out of the woodwork to hate on me. The real trolls of the internet came out and spewed their incredibly ugly hate. Many people blamed me for getting involved with the psycho, as if I had knowingly dated a serial killer.
Then, when my daughter was born, the second wave of haters came. Every internet troll with a computer had something to say about their opinion on my choice to become a mother.
In these two years, I have learned the good lesson that if you don’t have some haters – you aren’t being loud enough.
Love Is Powerful: When I had my son, I didn’t think it was possible to ever love someone as much as I loved him. The love I had for that little boy (and still have) was incredible. In the last two years, I have learned that love doesn’t end when someone dies. I have also learned how possible it is to fall in love again and again. The moment my daughter was placed on my chest, I couldn’t believe that it happened again. I couldn’t believe that I was staring at someone that I loved just as much as I loved Prince.
Finally, I cannot express to you all more how much I have appreciated my readers in the past two years. You all have seen me through the biggest challenges in life and some of my greatest joy. I truly believe that this is the beginning of a community and of a movement. This blog has allowed me to create something positive out of a terribly negative situation. It is my goal to continue my son’s legacy – to teach people what I wish I had known before I met Luc – and to try my hardest to save children.
Thank you for following me. Thank you for being a part of this journey.